Spring Equinox, New Beginnings...
/“Start by Starting” ~ Meryl Streep
Today, not for the first time, my son Taj showed up as my Muse. Ever since he was a little boy, this wise rascal has been sweetly “busting me”, kindly calling me on my blind spots, and mirroring my frequent foibles with his good natured, perceptive sense of humor. Today was no exception. For the past few years, he has graciously been helping me design my new website, this very one: Creative Resonance: Painting, Poetry & Play for the Soul. Generously offering his technical expertise and keen artistic eye, patiently waiting for me to take the leap. But today, after four years of my perfectionistic procrastination, Taj said to me, “Mom, let’s do this. It’s time to jump into the deep end. Remember, it does not have to be perfect.”
Of course, he was spot on. And the irony of his words was not lost on me! This website has been gestating for quite a while, and now it is asking to be born. In this moment of global pandemic, which is so deeply affecting the entire world, changing how we live, how we work, how we stay connected, and how we support one another, I am inspired to birth this website.
And paradoxically, during this time of sheltering in place, I now have more creative time and space to welcome this website into being. I am inspired to offer this portal as a way to connect with other creatives. In this potent moment, there exists the possibility of going deeper into our creative practices. My own experience has been just that. Each day, I devote some time to writing, painting, and moving in ways that are nourishing to my body and soul.
I know very well that perfectionism is based in fear. Fear of failure. And yet here I was, for the past few years, getting entangled in old paralyzing habits, trying to cobble together some perfect end product. Like my fellow humans, I am teaching what I need to learn, what I need to remember. Because what I know deep in my bones is that creativity is powerful medicine. And I also know there is freedom in being willing to fail. The practices offered here at Creative Resonance are about process not perfection. And the essence of Painting, Poetry & Play For the Soul is about flow, aliveness, and gleefully making mistakes.
Naturally, I had a good laugh, because once again, my son was reminding me of what I had forgotten. I’ve spent years writing, editing, and rewriting each page of this website, trying to get it “just right”, trying to craft an ideal version of the way I thought it should look and sound. I was stuck in a perpetual loop of my own habitual perfectionism, and as a result, I was cutting my own flow! High time for me to pivot and refocus on the process not the product. Because perfectionism is always a false promise; it keeps us small, rather than safe.
Thank you, Taj, for encouraging me to leap into the deep end of the pool, to launch this website at last. Or as the renowned actress, Meryl Streep says, to “start by starting”.
And actually, my conversation with Taj reminded me of an experience I had a long time ago. When I was about seven years old, my mother enrolled me at a local day camp in Brooklyn. About four weeks into the eight week experiment, on family visiting day, my mom and dad showed up and my enthusiastic swim coach thought it would be the perfect time to demonstrate my progress. He persuaded me to take my deep water swim test, while my ashen parents looked on from the bench. My little self was not so sure that I was ready for this, but as chlorine vapors wafted up from the Olympic size indoor pool, I gamely jumped into the deep end, and began to kick and splash my way across the width of the pool. About half way, I gulped a heaping serving of pool water and began to flail. Despite my mad attempts at dog-paddling, I was about to sink like a rock, when magically a metal pole appeared, and I grabbed onto it. In this way, I was mercifully towed safely to the end of the pool. My pale looking parents were visibly relieved. And although I was momentarily a bit embarrassed, I did not feel ashamed; and happily, I did not give up on swimming. The very next day, I was gently encouraged by my coach to try again and by the end of four more weeks of camp, I could make it all the way across the pool on my own. The following summer, I was deftly swimming the full length, with great delight. And these days, at the age of 64, I love to swim and play in our local pool several times a week. (Although for now, during the pandemic, the pool is temporarily closed. I look forward to the day when it can safely be reopened).
So whether your own personal style is to start by slowly dipping the tips of your toes into the shallow end, or to dash up the rungs of the ladder and leap from the high diving board into the deep end, it is good to simply start by starting.
In the spirit of play and encouragement, I invite you to make beautiful use of this rarefied time. There is a potency to this moment. And one thing I know for sure is that creativity is essential soul medicine. Engaging in activities that bring us more joy and aliveness is balancing and nourishing.
Now through May, I am offering free consultations to help you “start by starting”.
I can be reached at: meriswalton@creativeresonance.me
And now I offer you this poem below, that I wrote, as I considered the possibility of starting:
Spring Equinox 2020, Time for a New Paradigm: “Start by Starting”
A new paradigm is here, a time of uncertainty, and the possibility of creating a new narrative,
so with no absence of fear, I dare to offer up this bold and soulful springtime prayer.
I invoke the qualities of courage and self-acceptance, to shepherd me in this creative realm,
as I let go of old threadbare self-improvement projects and themes, schemes to keep me safe,
but only keep me small, and instead I dream boldly, and simply start by starting.
I tremble as I commit this invocation to paper, to whisper this vision aloud,
for this daring walkabout, I must trust my imagination, and humbly ask for support from friends,
those sheltering in place, keeping their social distance, but who still dream soulful dreams.
I will start by starting, one brushstroke at a time, on this journey, near and dear to my heart,
guided by the talisman of my soul’s inspiration, and the compass of my own holy longing.
As I pry my white knuckled toes off the proverbial ledge, say yes to what I’ve been avoiding,
not quite leaping, more like edging myself off a cliff...not yet remembering how to fly.
I allow myself to tumble, freefall style, into an uncharted void,
I’ve no idea what awaits me, in the chasm of this new prayer, in this year’s spring equinox,
in the gap that lies before me, I only know that it’s high time, I start by starting.
As spring blooms, and Earth takes her next jaunty lap around the warm and generous sun,
I deepen my commitment to the healing power of creative self-expression,
and I look forward to sharing with you, the potent practices of CREATIVE RESONANCE.
Please join me, in this magical realm of Painting, Poetry & Play for the Soul,
where together, online, in classes, workshops, or private sessions, we will start by starting.
~ Meris Walton
20 March 2020
